Answer This Simple Question and I'll Tell You How Your Life Is Going
Photograph from RawPixel
It is on a rare quiet and rainy Saturday morning that I write this post. My son is with my parents this weekend, Ivy is taking a long morning nap, and therefore, I told my husband to sleep in a bit more since he stayed up with Ivy until 2 a.m. putting her to bed. Three of my favorite conditions have coalesced to create a magical moment for me: 1) rainy day 2) quiet morning 3) time to write. What a freaking treat.
Some of you who have been following my blog for a while and have a handle on my theology know that I keep repeating (or at least, God keeps repeating to me), this idea that everything in our lives is a gift, even life itself. I shared the initial revelation here, then expanded it in my LEAD talk for church leaders here, and wrote about it in my marriage essay for Medium here. This is the essence of my theology and life philosophy, that our lives and everything in it is a gift from God for us to enjoy, instead of how we see it now and have been trained to see it by society: life is a test we must pass. This latter belief is what breeds fear, stress, insecurity, anger, insufficiency, and tireless striving to be good enough.
So answer me this simple question, which can immediately reveal to me what your life is like:
Do you see yourself as a recipient or a victim?
Do you see yourself as a recipient of lavish and abundant gifts in the form of your friends, family, opportunities, the splendor of the rain and butterflies, the aroma of your favorite meal?
Or do you see yourself a victim of your life conditions? Where everything and every relationship is a struggle, which you have been thrust into against your will? Where you tell the story (to yourself and anybody else who will listen) that your life situations are results of disadvantageous and uncontrollable conditions?
What is your story? What is the narrative you spin about your life? Because I tell you this, once you begin to see your life and everything in it as it truly is—a gift from God for you to experience more joy (which is the entire point of your life)—you will go about your life in a new way.
You will no longer respond to stressful deadlines with anxiety. You will no longer respond to marital conflicts with a belief that you’ve been hoodwinked. You will no longer see playing with your baby or toddler as tedious and unimportant. You will no longer get so easily frustrated with your parents.
Because you will see all of these people and situations in a different light. This different light will illuminate the true nature of reality, that all are gifts for you to receive and enjoy. It is up to you to receive it as such…or not.
Now, I know there are some situations that cannot be spun differently. Growing up in an abusive household or being subject to discrimination because of the color of your skin, sexuality, physical abilities, economic background, or culture. Believe me, I don’t think our world consists of puppies and rainbows. And I’m definitely not encouraging you to settle for a job you don’t love, a boyfriend who doesn’t treat you well, or an energy-draining friendship.
Sometimes, the gift lies in strengthening your confidence by leaving or standing up to those situations.
What I am trying to tell you, is this (and this nugget of wisdom is woven throughout all ancient sacred texts, including the Bible): The greatest gifts in our lives come disguised. Life struggles or conditions that do not originally present themselves as most favorable are simply tests to see if we can take them in stride and let them transform us into even more enlightened souls by learning about forgiveness, love, hope in the midst of despair, or for us to gain more knowledge about the inner workings of the universe. In these ancient stories, angels come in the form of foreign strangers, prophets come in the form of crazy lunatics, and tests come in the form of losing all of our possessions.
I do not wish any of these struggles upon you. And believe me when I say that God doesn’t either. God never, ever, wants to hurt you or make your life a struggle.
We struggle simply because we humans get trapped in our minds about how our lives “should” be and because we humans have this amazing ability to experience a wide span of emotions. So as a natural result of being human, we love and laugh but the flip side of that same coin is gut-wrenching grief when what we love is gone.
Our struggles are a natural result of being humans with abilities to create narratives about our lives and experience an array of emotions.
In the midst of all of this, God whispers an alternative invitation to us, which deviates from our unconscious predispositions towards seeing ourselves as victims and God as an unfair and coldhearted old man sitting on a golden throne in the clouds and sends us tests we are bound to fail.
That alternative invitation is this: I invite you to see your entire life and everything in it as a gift for you to experience more joy.
What a fitting question in this gift-giving season.
If you said yes to this, how would your life then unfold?