Starting to Pack Up

A snapshot of my office at the moment.

I’m starting to pack up. Many have asked if we’re still planning to move given the nature of the world right now. I don’t really have a choice because the United Methodist appointment cycle doesn’t change. A new minister has already been appointed to St. Mark’s since the beginning of the year and she’s waiting to step into her new role. The church is also eager to meet her.

It’s funny though; the feeling I have as I pack up my books, kitchen items, and start organizing our cluttered garage. My body feels light, refreshed, as if my body knows it’s going to the next right place.

What a contrast from how my body felt when I was packing up from my previous appointment to move to San Diego. I felt anxious and homesick even before I left. I tried to fight those sensations by reasoning with myself: What’s wrong with you? It’s a huge promotion! I’m moving to one of the most idyllic cities in the entire world for god’s sake.

Our bodies hold wisdom that our minds need more time to accept. Our minds are always risk-averse, afraid of mystery and the unknown, and stay in line when given orders from above. Our bodies however, know better. 

I’ve often wondered if I would have done things differently knowing what I know now. Would I have said no to this appointment?

The answer I keep coming back to is, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. 

I learned about stepping into my power as a young leader. I saw the true state of the church and her needs. I met the most beautiful and extraordinary individuals who made me feel lucky that I was paid to spend time with them. I fell in love with the San Diego beaches. I became more attuned to my inner voice and experienced the repercussions of what happens when I ignore her.

So here I go, from financial and professional security to…? I’m a 36-year-old woman moving back in with her parents but this time, with a husband and children in tow. We have nothing waiting for us in our next chapter—no jobs secured and no guarantees of success.

And my body’s like, Yes, let’s do this.