The Truth About My Finances and My New Life Rhythm
A question I’ve received over the past few months has to do with my finances and how I’m able to step away from full-time ministry to be a stay-at-home-mom and writer. I’d like to say from the get-go that the answer is not my husband’s job or parents’ financial help (although my parent’s house does help us big time, we are still contributing monthly rent).
The answer, I’m sorry, is more boring and laborious: we saved.
Several years ago, I knew in my gut that this time would come. I knew that one day, I would need to step away from full-time ministry to be wholly present to my kids and pursue my BIG DREAM (a.k.a. my book and my revlydia.com business).
So before we knew how and when this would all happen, we started putting money aside each month. It wouldn’t have been reasonable to depend on my husband’s future income as he’s an academic and those who are familiar with that field and job market may know that the academic career track is insanely slow going. You begin adjunct teaching one course at a time. It’s slow, progressive, and we decided, worth it to us.
In terms of how much we saved, let’s just say we saved enough to live off of for several months without any kind of financial anxieties and to take off the pressure of finding a job as soon as possible in the midst of settling into a new environment.
If you, then, are thinking of starting a whole new career, I wouldn’t recommend quitting your job immediately and diving right in, as that might cause too much financial stress, thereby paralyzing your creativity and boldness (essential ingredients for starting a new project or career).
I recommend you start investing in your dream now by setting aside some money each month and put together what I call a “dream fund” so that when the time comes, you’ll be able to do it wholeheartedly. (Side note: I’ve been asked to be a guest speaker at a conference where I’ll be sharing more about launching your own business as a minister. If you’re interested in that or being a ministry leader in general during this digital-corona-virus-age, you can learn more here.)
This leads me to share about my daily rhythm, as I promised I would in last week’s post. I like sharing about routines, schedules, and learning about others’ because it reveals so much about what people value and their life goals (or lack thereof). I actually did a blog post on my schedule almost two years ago, which you can see here. Much has changed (like getting up at 5 a.m.) and much has stayed the same (afternoon family play time, family meals, etc.).
For most of my life, I didn’t put too much thought into my daily rhythm, believing it was something that happened to me rather than something I created with care and intention.
It wasn’t until I had a child that I realized a passive approach to my schedule would keep me forever frazzled and prevent me from moving forward on important life goals. Kids are all-consuming and can easily squeeze every minute out of us if we’re not diligent about nurturing our own selves and careers. I needed to come up a daily schedule that reflected my top priorities. This is my most up-to-date routine since I’ve left my full-time job.
6 a.m. My kids get up. Yeah. It kinda sucks that my kids have such an early wake up call but whudda ya gonna do? I make the most of it. We sleepily trudge to the main house kitchen to enjoy breakfast with my parents. This is actually more for me rather than my parents. At this hour of the day, it helps to have two more pairs of eyes upon my two wiggly and energetic kids. My husband is still in bed because I’m the most amazing wife in the whole world. Also because, he’s a night owl and he uses his energy at night to do some major chores around the house. After breakfast, we just hang out and play until
8 a.m. My husband wakes up. Yay! I get a little break to check emails, go on social media, etc. until
8:30 a.m. I start getting dressed to go into my office (more on this later) and then help my son get dressed for school. I should mention that deciding to put my son back in preschool during this pandemic was not a decision that my husband and I made lightly. It was based on three factors: 1) I desperately need an uninterrupted block of time each day to blog and write my book, 2) My son needs to play with kids his own age to preserve his (and our) mental sanity and, 3) I completely trust our new preschool and its sanitation practices to protect all of the school’s families.
9 a.m. I drop my son off at school while my husband puts our baby down for a nap at home. I then, walk up the stairs from his school to go to my “office” to work. This has been one of the greatest gifts since moving back. My son attends preschool at a local church and when I shared with the church’s ministers about my sabbatical and writing projects, they agreed to let me use a room at the church where I can work quietly without interruptions! Wow! I call it my office but it’s actually the Sunday School craft room. To make it a bit more whimsical and conductive to me feeling at home, minor additions have been made (shown in the photo below). And from 9 a.m. on, I meditate, write, respond to emails, pay bills, lead spiritual direction sessions, and teach classes (subscribe at www.revlydia.com if you haven’t already done so to hear about the next class!).
A candle and flowers made all the difference.
noon. I walk down the steps and pick up my son from school. We head home for family lunch and then my favorite part, especially if both kids fall asleep at the same time, NAP TIME! During this sacred afternoon hour, I do a few chores around the house and if I’m lucky, take a little snooze myself.
3 p.m. This is usually when the baby wakes up and our son wakes up shortly thereafter. For the next couple of hours, we fill our time with a small snack and lots of play. The play usually consists of either hanging out in our backyard or going on a trail walk if it’s not too hot. The weather in my town has been atrocious these past couple of weeks, reaching almost 100 degrees so unfortunately, we’ve not been doing much trail walking but rather, some water play on our deck. When the weather is cooler, trail walks are the greatest source of my joy. There are some great kid-friendly trails next to our house. Below are a couple photos. I’m excited for the cooler months, when these walks are a part of our daily outings once again.
5:30 p.m. We settle back inside and get ready for dinner by setting up the table, helping out in the kitchen, etc. Typically, my mom or my husband cook. And every day up until the recent aforementioned atrocious weather, we dined outside.
My dad holding my daughter on our outdoor dining table.
6:30 p.m. I start getting our baby ready for bed while the rest of our clan cleans up after dinner. Our bedtime routine involves a bath, pajamas, stories, and nursing.
7 p.m. One kid down, one more to go (yeah, having kids is RELENTLESS). Our older kid is in a tortuous phase where he’s too young to drop afternoon naps but when he does, he has enough energy to go into the wee hours of the night. We try to wind him down with post-dinner gardening, house chores, bath, and TV time so he’s ready for bed around…
Some post-dinner tomato picking!
9 p.m. My husband does the rest of our kid’s night time routine while I tune everybody else out to relish in deluxe me-time. This includes washing up, stretching (during the past few weeks, my stretching has been outside under the stars), and reading. After my son’s in bed, I usually (this means, not all the time) let my husband come in and chit chat with me about our favorite moments of the day. And hopefully, by
10 p.m. I’m fast asleep dreaming about getting a massage.
In addition to the financial question, people have asked how it’s been living with my parents. My response is that I believe intergenerational living is, hands-down, the best way to live with young kids in your life. My husband and I often talk about how drastically different it has been living with my parents before versus after we had kids. Even though my parents’ life has become much more chaotic, it’s apparent they’re incredibly fulfilled, as are my kids. My parents are undoubtedly tired by the end of each day but I can tell, it’s a good-tired instead of a what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-tired.
This is the most balanced schedule I could come up with at this point in my life that incorporates everything that’s important to me: my relationships, personal rest time, fun time, and work time. Of course, there are days when I wish I had more time to just veg out and binge watch TV, go on dates with my husband, or even have sex, ha! Oh well. I’ve made my bed and now, have to lay in it. At least I used the best damn sheets I could find.